Someone to talk to
It hit me a couple of days ago, I’m not sure if I even have any best friends anymore, nobody that I really share a strong connection to who isn’t thousands of miles away. There are a few people that I used to be really close with but for whatever reason I don’t see or talk to as much anymore, for whatever reason we’ve drifted apart, though by no means irreconcilably.
I don’t really know what’s been going on with me if I’m honest. I know I put my friends to one side so I could finish the last few months of uni and really do it justice, but after I finally mannaged that, what then? I’ve let myself be a hermit for a while, but I’ve been going out and seeing people over the last couple of months at least, so why have I continued to drift away from some of my friends? It’s not something I’m intentionally doing and I’ve never had trouble keeping in contact with the people who mattered before, so why is it a problem now?
As time has gone on the two friends I’ve felt closest and most able to talk to as of late have both moved away, and not like to another town or city, literally thousands of miles. One’s gone to Japan and after the first few weeks, I feel we have really started to lapse in contact. She’s got her own life out there though and seems to be having a great time, so I’m happy for her.
The other has moved to America. I’m still in good contact with him actually, I went to visit him for a couple of weeks, just over a month ago. We tend to hang out over skype once every couple of weeks as well, chat over skype for a few hours and watch a movie together which is cool, but it’s not like I can actually see him in person anymore, which is sad.
It’s starting to pain me though, this lack of any really close friends, the only ones I had been that close with I’ve not seen or talked to that often, not for a while. I have been getting closer to a few friends recently, but I’m not at that kind of level yet with any of them, even though I know they’d be there for me if I needed them.
I don’t think it helps that I’m having this kind of manic existential crisis at the moment either. I’m seriously questioning who I am and what I’m doing with my life at one moment, when earlier the same day I’ve been filled with the most self belief and drive that I’ve had in years. I have no idea what’s going on, and even though I’m capable of going through it on my own, I know I really shouldn’t.
Seriously, what happened?